Everything seems kind of blurry today. Usually I'm rather proud of my ability to be calm, rational, stoic -- hard-hearted, even. I roll with the punches, as they say, and frequently, I hit back. Hard. But when something surprises me, troubles me, pains me, my typical reaction is no reaction at all. Hard to believe that anything can shut me up, but it's true. So when I most want to find the words to say something, anything, to try to convey even a fraction of what I'm feeling, I can't. A friend of mine is sick; he has known me longer and better than anyone. I could close my eyes anywhere in the world and I would know where he was without looking. But I am far away now and scared. And when he called, I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know what to say when it counted. I don't know what to say still.
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