Wednesday, July 28

Fortune telling

My fortune for today reads, "If your desires are not extravagant, they will be granted." At first, I just snorted and thought, "So, what? You're saying no millions? No best-seller? No Ben Affleck? Sonofabitch." But the fortune stuck with me; it resonates with a few things friends have said recently and my general state of consciousness at eight-and-twenty. The other day, I joked to an old college buddy that I was procrastinating starting my life (much as I procrastinated starting my papers in school). She wisely replied that I had started my life already, a fact which I sometimes like to deny. TQ and I talked about where it is we're supposed to be -- the not knowing, the feeling that it's just not where we are. Being with my family emphasized these things, made me want what I don't have -- a house, someone to share it with, a little family of my own. (Yes, Jen Garrett had scary baby thoughts, okay? Did you see how freaking cute my nephew is?)

I know time isn't running out, but I feel like it's slipping past. I keep waiting for what I want to come to me, instead of going out and getting it. I mean, I don't really want extravagant things. (Okay, Ben would be nice.) I want a house with a wrap-around porch. I want someone to watch the Sox game with, someone who will fight with me and laugh with me, too. I want to make things. I want to write well and often. I want to chill with my friends. Play with my nephew. Drive a really hot car.

My life has started. And I do have a lot of what I want. No house with a wrap-around porch, but I'm working on it.

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