Thursday, January 20


Here's the thing, people: If you're going to be an asshole in traffic, don't be half-assed about it. You gotta commit to it. If you're going to blow a yellowish red light, blow it. Don't fucking pause halfway through the intersection! Don't touch your brakes! (You also don't need to speed up. You just need to commit.) And, please god, if you're trying to whip out in front of me in the rotary, then whip out. As in, use a little speed. Do not (I repeat: DO NOT) pull half-way out in front of me and then come to a complete stop. Because at this point, I have recognized that you're going to be a total dick and not cede right-of-way. Thusly, I have slowed my speed to allow your stupid car into the rotary. Now I've slowed down and you've slowed down and no one is going anywhere. This does not make me happy.

Here's the thing: I'm relatively okay with you being an asshole in traffic. We all do it, it's fine. I may give you the one-finger salute, but that's just to save face. Really, I expect these sorts of maneuvers from other drivers because, from time to time, I have been known to do them myself.* If you're going to be an asshole, people, just commit to it. Run with it. Swim in it until your fingers get all pruney.

*There are two things I will never do in the name of getting where I want to go and beating my best time: I will never make a left turn from the right lane (or vice versa), and I will never speed in a school zone. Do you know what the fine is for that?

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