Friday, March 4

You are a party and I am a school night

Yesterday, I bought the new Ani album. And last night, I just sat there and listened to it.

I just listened, reading over the lyrics, thinking how rarely now I just sit and listen to music, allow nothing else to occupy my time, and then I couldn't just listen because I was already thinking, thinking of writing and then I had to write it down because I saw what was happening. I remembered the first time I heard her sing, when an upperclasswoman played the music to first-year me, and said this will change your life and it did and it does, because I remember my life in stages, in song lyrics. College as this cliched list of experiences to have (their eyes are all asking are you in or are you out?) and when I made decisions and determinations of who I was and would be (I am not an angry girl) and then it seemed she grew with me, and my life broke apart in bits that no longer fit together (I see you and I'm so unsatisfied) but some still did (flirting like a 12-year-old girl) and then at some point, I graduated and we parted ways and I bought her albums out of habit but I didn't listen because I only had time for music that I could play in the car, music that was loud, lyrics I could remember without trying. And I revisit her again last night and today and her life is no longer mine, but I take the time and I read the lyrics and I try to hear what she's saying to me now.

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