Brilliantly brittle

I've long been convinced that my bones will someday crumble to dust -- you know, just randomly -- because of the healthy combination of much caffeine and little calcium. Today, Lisa and I were going to get a free bone-density screening at work (because we're both just a wee bit paranoid like that), but we missed it due to a work function involving cake (and people, you do not mess with my cake). So now I have no outside confirmation that my bones are, in fact, as brittle as a 90-year-old woman's. However, Lisa and I did a comparison and I do have freakishly thin shin bones. I mean, scary freaky little, people. I don't know how I stand on these twigs, let alone run on them. Sure, they've got a comfortable layer of fat protecting them, but come the fuck on. How in hell are they supporting my entire body? It just doesn't seem possible. Who designed this thing, anyway?