Thursday, August 23

The hostess with the mostess

I cannot be a restaurant hostess. Because they're shifty. Or if they're not actually shifty, they always appear shifty because they have to tell hungry people to wait. And hungry people do not like to wait. When hungry people are forced to sit there, smelling yummy food but not being able to consume it, they do not think rationally. They begin to think the hostess hates them. Because she originally said 30 minutes, and now it's been 40, and you are hungry. Very hungry. And you begin to think that even if she doesn't hate you, she's utilizing some tricky marketing ploy whereby you think you're so hungry that you will die if you don't eat food soon, so clearly you need appetizers. Many of them. And drinks with stuff in them so that it feels more like food. Because you are so f-ing hungry.

And that's why I cannot be a hostess. I can't take the pressure of all those hungry people hating me. Also, I don't like to smile. And, it turns out, I do actually hate you.

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