Apparently, something special happens when I drink margaritas in large chain restaurants (aside from getting wasted): Sox players appear like magic. And not because I'm hallucinating. Last night, Leigh, Jeremy, and I followed up an intense round of miniature golf with some fine beverages at the Cheesecake Factory. (Leigh won, and I lost miserably, for those keeping track at home.)
Whilst sipping an Ultimate Margarita and pondering whether or not it was, in fact, a good idea to drink heavily after going for a run earlier and not eating anything all day, a strange thing happened. Jeremy kept tugging on my arm like a 3 year old, and I kept ignoring him like a good mommy who's busy drinking would. When I finally gave Jeremy my attention, he said, "Gabe Kapler and Tony Graffanino just came in." To which I promptly replied, "Shut up!" But, people, it was true: the Hebrew Hammer and the Graf were, in fact, sitting two tables away from me at the Cheesecake Factory.
First, let me say this: Tony Graffanino, if I ever see you drink a strawberry daiquiri in public again, I'm getting you drummed out of the corps. Second, Gabe, dude, you're huge. So, we all take turns making unnecessary trips to the bathroom to check out the boys, and whilst we're still stunned by this turn of events, guess who walks in? Yes, that's right, El Capitan himself: Jason Varitek. And, Gabe, step back, baby, because the Tek just muscled you out. Those arms! That chest! Those powerful man thighs! Leigh and I barely remained conscious. Especially because the Tek kept walking back and forth on his cell phone. And I got to the see the Powerful Man Thighs up close and ... not really personal, but who cares? I saw Jason Varitek at the Cheesecake Factory. I'm eating there every night.
(And just so this report is complete: Gabe had a Corona, and Tek drank water. And all the boys took cheesecake home with them.)
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