My latest ambition: my own Wikipedia page. I need to write a book or some shit. Sure, killing someone and/or appearing on a reality TV show in a desperate ploy for celebrity status would work, too, but I don't want to go the obvious route. You know you're old when someone you went to college with has their own Wikipedia page and you're jealous (well, this is a discovery I just made today, and I think I'm coping with the realization rather well, frankly).
Although, to be truthful, I already knew I was old when I discovered that the boy I had a crush on in high school is bald now. (I mean, I don't judge. It's not the fact that he's bald that's so upsetting -- it's the fact that he's old enough to be bald. Which means I am old. Old, I say! Plus, he was super hot at 16. I mean, seriously. I think I lost entire days in high school contemplating his hotness. Well, that and how it could never be mine. Bygones.) What was my point? Oh, yes: I am a slacker loser, who needs to do something Wikipedia-worthy right quick, or I will forever sink into a quagmire of loserville loserness.